Wow, It's been a WHILE!
So a lot has changed in the past year and a half-ish? I quit my job (which I was blissfully miserable at for far too long), moved to a new town (from a city I was blissfully miserable in for far too long), been diagnosed with an under active thyroid (in which I was blissfully miserably living with for years prior). On top of all these new changed I managed to fall flat on my butt physically, emotionally, and financially all in a period of 10 months. "How the hell did you manage that?" Well, dear reader, let me explain...
So the preverbial ball that got all this rolling was when I saw my good friend from high school post on her Facebook that she was moving to Nelson and starting as a head stylist at what seemed to be a great new fun salon. I commented on her status the typical "congrats" but, with my schooling in aesthetics and my constant look for getting out of my Dispatch job, I jokingly asked "Do you guys need and aesthetician?" Her response was "OF COURSE AND YOU HAVE THE JOB IF YOU WANT IT"... Kay... wait... WHAT just happened? So I read it again "You have the job if you want it!"
Thoughts went flying through my head... You see it has been a dream of mine to move to Nelson since I was in grade 12 (my family and I went to visit the local college because it was one that I wanted to apply to and the moment I stepped foot in the town, I fell in love with it. If you don't know what Nelson BC is about, google it... it's pretty well known for a lot of things). I debated it for about a month and just after the new year (2013) I went to visit my friend for a week. I met a lot of new people and really nice people. When I returned home, I realized that Nelson was "where I was supposed to be" and fast forward 4 months, I had quit my job packed up all my belongings and was off to my new life in BC!
I struggled a lot in my first month here, close friends were going through a lot of issues back home and when I normally would have been there in person to comfort them I was left comforting them via Facebook, text message or Skype. I also wasn't financially getting anywhere I should have been. The first two weeks at the Salon I was shorted about 75 bucks on my first check and was pretty much called a thief and a lier from their "bookkeeper" when I told her about it (who her sister fully admits was a "fucking idiot"). That from the start should have been the red light that... this was all going to be heading down a rather steep slope.
In my first two weeks here I knew I wasn't going to be able to go on like I was at the salon (the owners weren't willing to put any money into promoting the aesthetics part and I had no money to do it myself, and if I did, I sure wasn't going to be working the shitty commission that was offered any was that's neither here nor there). My friend had also left the salon and found a job someplace else. So not wanting to be struggling I set out to find another full time job that would allow me to work in the salon on my days off. In rolls my first min wage job I had in about 8 years. I am not going to say anything bad about this job, there were some ups and downs but I am truly appreciative that the boss had accommodated a lot of my requests and honestly genuinely a good guy. In the end of my employment it was easy to give my notice (because there issues that came up) but still hard because I really like working for my boss.
Not to bore you with all the boring details living in Nelson drained me emotionally, financially and to a point physically... you remember how I said about my under active thyroid, well I wasn't able to get health care because I couldn't afford it, so there fore I wasn't able to get the medication needed and well... I will let you google the symptoms of having an under active thyroid, it's not pretty and I pretty much suffered from ALL of them (including substantial weight gain). It broke my heart because it was my dream for over 10 years to live here and now that I am living my dream.... It wasn't all what it was cracked up to be. I met some nice people but not a lot that I will consider a friend. Have you ever been in a place that you literally have no friends? I never went out I never socialized. You know what that does to someone? I was really let down and and in a way broken. I called my mom (bless her heart I put her through A LOT this past year) crying more times than I did just to talk. When my friend told me that she was moving back to Alberta due to personal reasons, I quickly decided that I can choose to sink or swim... So I am swimming... FAST HAHA! I am leaving Nelson April 30th and heading back home. I have never been happier :)
So what's in store for me now?
New life New goals right?
Well one thing that I can admit that was a life saver for my time in Nelson was youtube. I couldn't afford TV so Internet it was. I fell in love with a lot of you tubers and daily Vloggers. It was my form of entertainment, and with how A LOT of you tubers share their lives online, they became my "friends" (remember, I have no friend in this town haha). Two channels that helped me get through this past year was Charles and Alli Trippy (CTFxC), and Danny Duncan and Lindsey Bell (DLV) If you guys don't know who these wonderful and amazing people are go check them out:
Charles: https://www.youtube.com/user/CTFxC
Alli: https://www.youtube.com/user/Alli
DLV: https://www.youtube.com/user/dannyduncan
They are just amazing people! Charles has been going through a lot of junk that really makes my crap seem like it's a breeze. He has his ups and downs but for the most part he just remains really positive. Danny and Lindsey are just a riot that makes me smile with how cute and funny they are.
ANYWAYS! Where was I going with this... OH YEAH YOUTUBE!
But this has peaked my interest in starting a channel of my own. I already I have my first Intro video up and I will start posting them in June so go subscribe there: (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCSFy9CPkUjLNW1cv8fVfFZQ) if you want :)
So thats my first goal, my second one is to get back on my path of weightloss and getting my thyroid in check. I strongly believe that I need the thyroid in check first to get everything else health wise to fall in check. It's like a domino effect. My first goal in weight loss is getting put on Desiccated Pigs Thyroid (I will touch more in a blog later on why I think this is important) Second is getting my gym pass. Third is getting my friend to do this with me. The best part about where I am moving to is it's close to the mountains and hiking trails are abundance :).
Something that I have come to realize is that I have A LOT of creative ideas, wether it's writing, crafting or music, it's locked away in my head. I want to start getting these things out (kind of why I want to start my YouTube Channel I can post a lot of things on there). I LOVE PINTEREST! There are so many things on there that I want to try!
Anyways that's all for now reader. I hope to be doing this weekly. I am thinking setting a certain day (maybe fridays) as my blog day. Next week might not be posted because it's going to be a crazy week! but I hope to talk to you all soon :) CHAO BELLA'S
Saturday, 26 April 2014
Wednesday, 12 September 2012
Sabotage, Cravings and Technology
I have come to find lately that I tend to self sabotage myself A LOT. In the past as soon as I start to see any form of result, I stop. I get inside of my brain (and trust me... thats pretty 'effed up sometimes as this blog goes on.. you may see) and over think and just quit. I worked with someone who had a degree in Psychology and he always told me I kept self sabotaging myself. I always gave it this "give'r attitude" but when the going got tough, I would over think and then give up. I guess thats kind of something learned over the years of people saying "you can't..." to me.
My question is, what do you guys do when you fall into the same frame of mind? I know I am not the only person. What techniques have you found to help?
I have been thinking about hypnosis but not sure if this would work. Thoughts?
One of my biggest sabotage vice are my cravings. I know it takes 10 days to break a habit and thats what most cravings are, your mind thinking you NEED something when you don't. For me that's chocolate, coffee and pizza. Lately if I get a BAD craving I start talking to myself, trying to decipher whether it's a need or I want. Most of the time, I have found that it's just a want. When I come to realization that it's just a want I try and talk myself out. Thinking back to how I have felt for the past few months and not wanting to be back there really changes my mind in a hurry.
My biggest "I'm quitting" fiasco is my coffee habit. I have come to realize that this is a habit. I drink coffee because of the pick me up it gives me, especially after a really BAD nights sleep (which happens more than I like). I would always stop off at Starbucks on my way to work, "lucky" me it's exactly half way between work and home. I realized this when I was on vacation. I kept telling myself I wouldn't have any coffee but every morning when my grandma made it I figured ah what the heck I will quit tomorrow. That went on for a week. Now I have been telling people that I am done coffee. I had a few guys at work telling me that coffee is actually good for you. Sure tell me that but in all honesty, it's straight up black coffee and only one cup. Even that one cup isn't every day. I take my coffee with 2 cream and 2 sugar oh and extra large (so like two cups of coffee at once). I think what is helping me cope right now with the coffee withdraws is my new found love for Tea. Not any of this Tetley Tea junk but straight up no cream no sugar fee leaf tea (usually found at places like Teavana). Depending on the tea you drink you have just enough caffein in it to curb your headache AND you have much more health benefits (if you want some info on teas you should check out Teavana's website) .
So what do you guys do when you have that overwhelming craving for the unhealthy snacks?
My last topic that I want to touch on is technology. I have found over the past few weeks that the Apple App Store has TONNES of health and fitness apps. I have tried a few and found them pretty helpful. Have any of you found a health and fitness app that works best for you? Also any other technology that you want to share that has helped you (i.e heart monitors)?
But I guess thats all for "today" (I wrote this the previous day but forgot to post it haha). Hope you all are having a great day!
Much Love,
Danielle
My question is, what do you guys do when you fall into the same frame of mind? I know I am not the only person. What techniques have you found to help?
I have been thinking about hypnosis but not sure if this would work. Thoughts?
One of my biggest sabotage vice are my cravings. I know it takes 10 days to break a habit and thats what most cravings are, your mind thinking you NEED something when you don't. For me that's chocolate, coffee and pizza. Lately if I get a BAD craving I start talking to myself, trying to decipher whether it's a need or I want. Most of the time, I have found that it's just a want. When I come to realization that it's just a want I try and talk myself out. Thinking back to how I have felt for the past few months and not wanting to be back there really changes my mind in a hurry.
My biggest "I'm quitting" fiasco is my coffee habit. I have come to realize that this is a habit. I drink coffee because of the pick me up it gives me, especially after a really BAD nights sleep (which happens more than I like). I would always stop off at Starbucks on my way to work, "lucky" me it's exactly half way between work and home. I realized this when I was on vacation. I kept telling myself I wouldn't have any coffee but every morning when my grandma made it I figured ah what the heck I will quit tomorrow. That went on for a week. Now I have been telling people that I am done coffee. I had a few guys at work telling me that coffee is actually good for you. Sure tell me that but in all honesty, it's straight up black coffee and only one cup. Even that one cup isn't every day. I take my coffee with 2 cream and 2 sugar oh and extra large (so like two cups of coffee at once). I think what is helping me cope right now with the coffee withdraws is my new found love for Tea. Not any of this Tetley Tea junk but straight up no cream no sugar fee leaf tea (usually found at places like Teavana). Depending on the tea you drink you have just enough caffein in it to curb your headache AND you have much more health benefits (if you want some info on teas you should check out Teavana's website) .
So what do you guys do when you have that overwhelming craving for the unhealthy snacks?
My last topic that I want to touch on is technology. I have found over the past few weeks that the Apple App Store has TONNES of health and fitness apps. I have tried a few and found them pretty helpful. Have any of you found a health and fitness app that works best for you? Also any other technology that you want to share that has helped you (i.e heart monitors)?
But I guess thats all for "today" (I wrote this the previous day but forgot to post it haha). Hope you all are having a great day!
Much Love,
Danielle
Saturday, 8 September 2012
Introduction
Hello All,
I am starting this blog in hopes that it will hold me accountable and possibly even help with my journey through getting fit and healthy. Maybe even meet new people with tips and info to help me and others achieve my (and their) goals.
First and formost....
THIS IS NOT A BLOG TO BRING ANYONE DOWN. I WAS BULLIED MY ENTIRE YOUTH AND I WILL NOT STAND FOR IT ANYMORE. IF YOU TALK NEGATIVELY ABOUT ANYONE HERE I WILL GET YOU BANNED! I am starting my journey out with love and compassion, if this is not what you believe, please leave now.
Well lets start off with a little bit about me.
For those who don't know me, my name is Danielle I am 28 years old and am a dispatcher for a security company (hate on me all you want for this, I don't care, it pays the bills). I am single and pretty much don't plan on settling down anytime soon.
From as far back as I can remember I have always been bullied about my weight. I remember in Kindergarten coming home from school and crying to my mom that a kid in my class called me fat. If that wasn't hurtful enough, kids from grade 9 even laughed in my face for being chubby (kids ARE mean and on the verge evil sometimes). Move ahead to grade 3 I was kicked in the butt while tying my runners in the hallway by ANOTHER grade 9 kid as HE ran down the hallway laughing calling me fat. Keep going all through elementary, Junior High AND High School the constant teasing from my classmates (one in particular, saw his mean ways and gave me an apology because he wanted to "make right with God". I never accepted and don't think that I ever will. There is a breaking point for some and with this one guy, he hit it... MANY TIMES). I think the most hurtful thing happend when I was in grade 11. I was invited to a New Years Eve party by a friend of mine. I was dropped off by my mom and when I went up to the door it was locked. I knocked and someone opened, I still remember the conversation... him: "yeah" me: "can I come in?" Him: "No" pointing to a sign on the door that said "No Fat Chicks Allowed"I turned around trying to hold my head up. When I got back to the car my mom asked what was wrong and through trying to fight back tears I told her. Till this day... that still stings a bit.
This was me back in preschool.
So after grad I had to redo some classes to actually go to college. I wanted to be a Record Producer, with the aspirations of owning my own recording company living in Vancouver and traveling to LA to record all the up and comers. I had BIG plans. I went to school in 2002/2003 for music and wow... You know the "freshman 15" well... I WENT THE OPPOSITE WAY! I went from a size 24 to a SIZE 16/18!!!! It was my schools fault I guess. I was on the basement level of the college. I had to go up and down five flights of stairs everyday and sometimes multiple times a day for a year with a 20 pound saxophone strapped to my back. A combination of that cardio workout and eating a diet of chicken, rice and veggies every day... What do you know I lost weight. I never saw it on myself but my clothes NEVER FIT me by the time I moved back home for the summer. The breaking point of making me feel good was when my old friend told me at work that I was vanishing (she was always a size 0). This was a short lived victory though. I got word that I wasn't allowed to go back to college due to poor grades. That was a blow to my ego. I never really got help for it but I know my depression came back... possibly even ten fold. My friends all left or were bar stars (never really was one for the bar scene) so I felt as though I had no one (maybe that was just the depression talking though) so I found comfort in food... and this is what I have battled for the past 10 years.
Over the years I have tried fad diets, diet pills, every kind of poison you can think, I put into my body. I figured I can do this because I was going to the gym. Sure, I lost SOME weight but not much. It wasn't until I got to my job now, that the gym was a constant thing I did. Well up until my Pepere passed away Dec 23, 2010. It seemed like that set my world into a downward spiral. I stopped going to the gym, stopped eating healthy and in all honesty... stopped caring about myself. I had no get up and go left in me and the best way I can describe it was I felt "dark" (see the shitty thing about depression is although you are off your depression meds and "better" you can really easily slip back into depression) I sure did "let myself go". It wasn't like a shock for me, he was sick and was almost a relief that he is gone (he came to me in a dream just after I got back from the funeral, and he was there. I think he was telling me not to remember him the way he was when he was sick, because he was no longer like that... he was "whole" again.) But it's just the fact the someone I loved so dearly I will never see again.
After about a year of... wallowing in self pity (thats what I call it now, because I see, it probably wasn't worth it) I started to change my thinking. I was fat, sick, and really, REALLY unhealthy and (bless their souls, I love them to death) heading down the same road as my parents. They are both heavier, both are diabetic and my dad, really unhealthy (a multitude of other health problems). The thing is they both can control whats wrong with them by a healthy diet and exercise. My mom tries... and oh she does try. I am not meaning to insult my parents in anyway.. like I said I LOVE MY MOM AND DAD, they have always been there for me no matter what and have built me up to be the person I am today. But I really don't want to be like them on a health level. I did a bunch or research on healthy living and found A LOT of good information. Something that convinced me was watching a documentary called "Forks over Knives". I was blown away that you can take terminally ill people and damn near cure them just by changing their diet to a Plant Based Diet. Granted they weren't cured but when the one doctor was "given" them, most of the patients had 6-12 months to live. 18 years later, only one person quit the research but the rest of them were alive and kicking. That hit deep... after that I became vegetarian with a brief stint as vegan. Cutting out meat was the best thing I could do. I don't miss it at all. I think I felt the best EVER being vegan though. I had more energy, and just in general felt healthier. Although I am still vegetarian, I stopped being vegan, I hit another "bump in the road" in my life and found that being vegetarian had more comfort food than being vegan so... Off I went. It wasn't until recently that I started to feel like crap. I have gone through a bout of what the Doctors thought to be gout. Not a pleasant illness. When you have your ability to walk taken away... It almost wakes you up. So now I am feeling a bit better I am not going to be going down that road.
This is why I started up this blog today. I am sick of being sick and tired. I am not sure what I want of this blog. I will write up reviews of work outs I find. I also want to be held accountable so if some one sees that I am not keeping up with updates let me know... call me out.
So yeah, hope everyone has fun on here.
Much Love and Peace
Danielle
This is me taken two weeks ago.
I am starting this blog in hopes that it will hold me accountable and possibly even help with my journey through getting fit and healthy. Maybe even meet new people with tips and info to help me and others achieve my (and their) goals.
First and formost....
THIS IS NOT A BLOG TO BRING ANYONE DOWN. I WAS BULLIED MY ENTIRE YOUTH AND I WILL NOT STAND FOR IT ANYMORE. IF YOU TALK NEGATIVELY ABOUT ANYONE HERE I WILL GET YOU BANNED! I am starting my journey out with love and compassion, if this is not what you believe, please leave now.
Well lets start off with a little bit about me.
For those who don't know me, my name is Danielle I am 28 years old and am a dispatcher for a security company (hate on me all you want for this, I don't care, it pays the bills). I am single and pretty much don't plan on settling down anytime soon.
From as far back as I can remember I have always been bullied about my weight. I remember in Kindergarten coming home from school and crying to my mom that a kid in my class called me fat. If that wasn't hurtful enough, kids from grade 9 even laughed in my face for being chubby (kids ARE mean and on the verge evil sometimes). Move ahead to grade 3 I was kicked in the butt while tying my runners in the hallway by ANOTHER grade 9 kid as HE ran down the hallway laughing calling me fat. Keep going all through elementary, Junior High AND High School the constant teasing from my classmates (one in particular, saw his mean ways and gave me an apology because he wanted to "make right with God". I never accepted and don't think that I ever will. There is a breaking point for some and with this one guy, he hit it... MANY TIMES). I think the most hurtful thing happend when I was in grade 11. I was invited to a New Years Eve party by a friend of mine. I was dropped off by my mom and when I went up to the door it was locked. I knocked and someone opened, I still remember the conversation... him: "yeah" me: "can I come in?" Him: "No" pointing to a sign on the door that said "No Fat Chicks Allowed"I turned around trying to hold my head up. When I got back to the car my mom asked what was wrong and through trying to fight back tears I told her. Till this day... that still stings a bit.
This is me back in Kindergarten. I was a cute kid but I guess being cute can't get past the fact that I was fat.
After this little "incident" I guess my mom felt a little sorry for me. She started looking around for ways for me to lose weight. That spring my mom enrolled me in a group that helped teens for going to the gym, setting up healthy programs for what ever you want to achieve. It was great! I had two other people from my grade and thats when I fell in love with the gym (on a side note, through out high school I battled depression and thoughts of suicide OFTEN, if this sounds like you or anyone you know, talk to someone, there is help). I started to build my confidence in myself, and my mom also had a friend who ALWAYS went to the gym, she invited me on many occasions to go with her. I found that exercising helped with battling depression (it is actually medically proven to help to, but because I am not smart enough for medical mumbo jumbo, I will let you google it yourself haha!) My confidence grew in grade 12 to the point that I asked my crush to prom (he inevitably said no, but I was so proud of myself for getting past my insecurities and actually doing it).
This is me.. Grad 2001. This is my heaviest, I don't officially know how much I weighed, but I was at a size 24... at 17 years old.
Over the years I have tried fad diets, diet pills, every kind of poison you can think, I put into my body. I figured I can do this because I was going to the gym. Sure, I lost SOME weight but not much. It wasn't until I got to my job now, that the gym was a constant thing I did. Well up until my Pepere passed away Dec 23, 2010. It seemed like that set my world into a downward spiral. I stopped going to the gym, stopped eating healthy and in all honesty... stopped caring about myself. I had no get up and go left in me and the best way I can describe it was I felt "dark" (see the shitty thing about depression is although you are off your depression meds and "better" you can really easily slip back into depression) I sure did "let myself go". It wasn't like a shock for me, he was sick and was almost a relief that he is gone (he came to me in a dream just after I got back from the funeral, and he was there. I think he was telling me not to remember him the way he was when he was sick, because he was no longer like that... he was "whole" again.) But it's just the fact the someone I loved so dearly I will never see again.
After about a year of... wallowing in self pity (thats what I call it now, because I see, it probably wasn't worth it) I started to change my thinking. I was fat, sick, and really, REALLY unhealthy and (bless their souls, I love them to death) heading down the same road as my parents. They are both heavier, both are diabetic and my dad, really unhealthy (a multitude of other health problems). The thing is they both can control whats wrong with them by a healthy diet and exercise. My mom tries... and oh she does try. I am not meaning to insult my parents in anyway.. like I said I LOVE MY MOM AND DAD, they have always been there for me no matter what and have built me up to be the person I am today. But I really don't want to be like them on a health level. I did a bunch or research on healthy living and found A LOT of good information. Something that convinced me was watching a documentary called "Forks over Knives". I was blown away that you can take terminally ill people and damn near cure them just by changing their diet to a Plant Based Diet. Granted they weren't cured but when the one doctor was "given" them, most of the patients had 6-12 months to live. 18 years later, only one person quit the research but the rest of them were alive and kicking. That hit deep... after that I became vegetarian with a brief stint as vegan. Cutting out meat was the best thing I could do. I don't miss it at all. I think I felt the best EVER being vegan though. I had more energy, and just in general felt healthier. Although I am still vegetarian, I stopped being vegan, I hit another "bump in the road" in my life and found that being vegetarian had more comfort food than being vegan so... Off I went. It wasn't until recently that I started to feel like crap. I have gone through a bout of what the Doctors thought to be gout. Not a pleasant illness. When you have your ability to walk taken away... It almost wakes you up. So now I am feeling a bit better I am not going to be going down that road.
This is why I started up this blog today. I am sick of being sick and tired. I am not sure what I want of this blog. I will write up reviews of work outs I find. I also want to be held accountable so if some one sees that I am not keeping up with updates let me know... call me out.
So yeah, hope everyone has fun on here.
Much Love and Peace
Danielle
This is me taken two weeks ago.
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